Ready for a completely revolutionary insight into Star Wars? For reasons explained in this press release, I prefer the empire to the rebels. (Note, though, that neither come anywhere close to providing due process or any other critical human rights).
In an attack led by Darth Vader, Empire forces were able to rout hundreds of Rebels from a network of caves underneath the surface of the planet Hoth. “We’re not sure we got them all,” says a Vader spokesman. “There are a lot of places to hide in those caves. But we’ve delivered powerful blow to the terrorist’s infrastructure, that’s for sure. Today, the Empire has struck back.”
Initial reports are unclear as to the fate of Luke Skywalker, a hero among the Rebels, who is rumored to have delivered the fatal blow to the Death Star. Skywalker, a former desert-dweller from the planet Tattooine, became a part of the Rebellion after family members were killed. Skywalker was trained by a militant wing of the Rebels, known as “Jedi Knights.” Fanatical in their religious beliefs, the Jedi Knights claim to derive their power from the mystical “Force.”
Here’s a clever Weekly Standard article by Jonathan Last making the same arguments.
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