DanKohn.com

The Independent of London reports: “A tourist gored by a bison in America’s Yellowstone National Park was facing criminal charges yesterday for harassment of protected wildlife. No action, however, was expected against the bison, which punctured the man’s thigh and tossed him several feet into the air when he approached to take a photograph.” Let this serve as a friendly reminder that Yellowstone is not Disneyland.

The Onion on efforts by the powerful penis enlargement lobby to oppose anti-spam legislation:

If this legislation passes, the government would, for all intents and purposes, be taking three to four inches off America’s cocks…. For millions of poorly hung American men, spam is a vital source of information about penis-enlargement options, and our elected officials have no right to take it away from them…. Sales of penis-enlargement treatments and devices in 2000 totaled in excess of $600 million. Cock-lengthening is, no pun intended, a consistent growth industry in the U.S., and this bill would severely emasculate it. As usual, it’s the little guy who suffers.

Brings new meaning to the term “swing vote”.

#111 ranked Amazon reviewer Henry Raddick says this about a particular book:

I plan on giving this tremendous guide to my wife for her birthday. After all, she has been pestering me for a BMW sports car and even gave me some sort of owners’ guide for my birthday, so 2 can play at the heavy-handed-hints game.

You’ll have to click through to get the punchline. The book is out of print.

Jaime Zawinski (formerly of Netscape and Mozilla) has a club in SF called DNA Lounge. Under the heading “Your Love Gives Me Such a Thrill, But Your Love Don’t Pay My Bills”, he explains:

A few weeks ago, I hacked the messages on our ATM: there are a bunch of places where you can change the messages it prints at the top of the screen, and the text it scrolls through while you’re waiting for it to dispense its money. We’ve gotten complaints already!

Some Guy: What’s up with the Unamerican shit on the ATM?
Devin: Unamerican?
Some Guy: Yeah, it says “SURPRISE SURPRISE, THE GOVERNMENT LIES!”
Devin: Uh… they do.
Some Guy: Yeah, but you’re not supposed to say things like that! Especially not now!
Devin: Isn’t that kind of the point of this country? That you’re allowed to say whatever you believe?

So now I made some random chump actually think about it. My work here is done.

We got another complaint about the ATM as well: this other guy seemed very confused. “The ATM says ‘DESTROY CAPITALISM’ — but then it charged me a service fee!” Irony is hard, let’s go shopping!

DNA Lounge is about to celebrate their year anniversary.

Shake hard.

Some quotes from Rob Harley:

“The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the bonds of hell.”
- St. Augustine

Because the innovator has for enemies all those who have done well under the old conditions, and lukewarm defenders in those who may do well under the new.
- Niccolo Machiavelli, “The Prince”, Chapter VI

Buttercup: We’ll never survive.
Westley: Nonsense, you’re only saying that because no one ever has.
- The Princess Bride